Welcome to Pastor A's Blog

Has God ever prompted you to make a decision that others thought was strange?

In 1995, I had a significant career decision to make.  As a new free agent with the NFL, I had to decide whether to stay with my team, the Arizona Cardinals, or move for a better chance at a Super Bowl victory.

Most people thought the choice was obvious: move.  In their minds, the only real consideration was being on a winning team.  For my wife, Tracy, and me, however, the choice involved much more than that, and the decision was far from obvious.

Life is all about choices.  That is nothing new.  Even not choosing is a choice.  What if the decisions we make are actually less important than how we make them?

As a Christian, I had to put the answer in God’s hands.  The way I saw it, the only real choice I had was to ask, “What does God want me to do?” and then act on the answer, trusting that it was the right one.  Even if others thought otherwise.

As a competitive athlete, winning was important to me.  But as someone trying to live a life that is fully submitted to the will of God, I understood the danger in focusing on criteria like winning or money.  I was not just a player in the NFL – I was also a husband and father, and a member of a larger community.  The ministry God had started through Tracy and me in Phoenix was as important to me as playing on a winning football team.

Ultimately, Tracy and I decided to stay.  Re-signing with the Arizona Cardinals may have seemed like an odd choice at the time, but we knew it was the right one, and we have never regretted it.  Playing on a struggling team helped me mature as a player, as a person and as a man of God.  And God has blessed me by allowing me to make a difference in the lives of others.  What a gift I have received in seeing men come to Jesus Christ and witnessing how He has changed their lives for the better.

When you are making life choices, what criteria do you use?  Who or what  influences your decisions?

He said:
In marriage, it is important to realize that you are in a marathon of life, not a sprint.  You have to see your relationship unfolding over time, facing many challenges and changing seasons of life.  As we have spoken of before, love is not a feeling or an emotion; it is a course of action that you chose when you committed yourself in marriage.  It is a daily giving of yourself for your spouse.  We as humans are naturally selfish and can think totally of our own fulfillment at times.  But in marriage, it is a give and take relationship.  As you choose to give yourself in loving action toward your spouse, you can’t help but reap the rewards.  The principle is called, “sowing and reaping”.  We will reap what we sow…as we put in, we will get out.  So husbands and wives, what have you been sowing lately?  If you don’t like the harvest you have been seeing in your relationship, then change the seeds you’ve been planting!  You can turn any situation around, if you choose to apply love in its truest meaning.  We all heard it said, “Love never fails”.  This is true when we step out of ourselves and begin to give in unselfishness to our spouse.  My wife and I are still learning this principle. So, remember your marriage is like a marathon which takes commitment to the race, endurance over time, and at the end, total fulfillment in victory if we truly love, “till death do us part”.

She said:
You are right honey.  Anyone who sets out to run a marathon has to realize that it is going to take a lot of work, energy, self discipline, and sacrifice if they are going to finish the race.  In the honeymoon phase of the marriage, you can only see the best in each other and everything seems perfect, until you’ve settled into life with each other.  There are going to be challenges, and you will disagree and get on each other’s nerves at times.  Just as in a marathon, you may grow weary in your relationship, especially if you don’t see the changes in your spouse that you would like.  This is when we have to focus on why we signed up for this race (marriage) in the first place!  When we remember the reason we chose our spouse and why we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with them, we can lock into the endurance portion of our race, and know that we are together for a reason.  It is critical during the hard times of our relationship to renew the flame of love through dating and spending quality time together.  As we have talked about in previous articles, “dating” your spouse is a way to keep the flame burning and focuses your attention on finishing your race together! So rekindle the fire and make this marathon a victorious finish as you grow old together, in love.

He said:
If you are going to be a winning team you must remember that teams get better when they work on their imperfections.  Even in marriage, each of us has areas where we need to grow. If we don’t help each other grow, we will allow each other to miss out on reaching our full potential. My wife and I encourage and challenge each other to improve in those areas that we are weak. For example, early in my football career, I wasn’t sure I could be an All Pro Player. One year my team hired a new coach that had the reputation of challenging players to reach their potential by forcing them to do things out of their comfort zones.  I did not think I could do it, but it was my wife that began to ask me questions that made me realize that it was fear that I was dealing with. Through her words and the help of God, I took the challenge and from that year on I made 8 Pro Bowl appearances.  I challenge my wife the same way.  Remember, you are a team and that requires teammates to help each other grow up!
In marriage, there will always be areas where we need to grow.  One of the best ways to grow in your marriage is to seek knowledge and wisdom from others whether they are friends or from books.  One book that has been a blessing in our marriage is The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Through this book, my wife and I have identified each of our love languages.  Every spouse has a language in which they receive love from their partner. These love languages include quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, acts of service, and encouraging words.  My love language is acts of service. I feel loved and cared for by my wife when the house is in order and everything I need is within reach.  Tracy could have bought me a watch, hugged me at the door, and planned a romantic dinner, but if I come home and the things that I asked her to do are not done, I am going to be terribly disappointed. This is an area that I am working on in being patient with my wife as she seeks to get better.  If we don’t understand how our mate interprets love, we can completely miss it when we are trying to love on one another.  On the other hand, my wife’s love language is encouraging words.  She loves when I give her compliments or encourage her in things that she is good at.  This is a whole lot easier said than done, because my natural bend is to comment on the negative things that I see rather than the positive.  This is an area that I have to work hard at growing in so that my wife feels loved and appreciated.
The idea is to always be in the mode of getting better and growing in areas that are going to benefit your relationship.  Many of us can find excuses to stay the same and just count it as “this is the way I am”, but this attitude will leave you frustrated and unhappy in your marriage.  Marriage is about growing up and growing old together.  Just as we invest in books, programs, and courses to improve our effectiveness in our career endeavors, we should invest even more so in information that is going to challenge us to grow up and become better partners and lovers to our spouse.
She said:
If we will work together as a team in our marriage, we can accomplish great things together.  I believe there is no greater place to be sharpened and encouraged to grow up than in marriage.  When you are married, your spouse sees all different sides of you even the vulnerable areas that you wouldn’t want anyone to see.  The blessing of marriage is that you have someone to walk with you through the tough stuff of life.  When your spouse sees that area of weakness in your life and brings attention to it, you have a choice of whether you are going to ignore it or face it and overcome in that area.  When you love someone, you want to see them grow and get better.
Given that marriage is the closest relationship you can have on the earth, where everything about you is totally exposed, we have to be careful that we don’t get bitter when our spouse brings something to our attention that needs to change.  We have to trust one another enough to be honest, but make sure that it is shared with an attitude of love.  There is no one that knows me like my husband, so if he sees something in me that needs to be addressed, he is the one I trust to do it.
My husband is teaching me all the time to push pass my feelings and face challenges and overcome.  I can remember I was having a problem with a friend of mine. Every time I was around her I felt awkward and uncomfortable.  I would tell my husband about this and he refused to listen to my complaining about my friend, he would tell me you have the problem and you need to talk to her. Confrontation was totally out of my comfort zone. Well, I did take his advice and I went to her and we dealt with the issue.  As a result we developed a very honest friendship. Aeneas could have taken my side and let me go on in my pity party, but he challenged me to grow up.
We all have areas that we are uncomfortable with changing, but if we would allow our spouse to love us enough to challenge us to face it and overcome, we will win individually, but we will be even stronger as a team willing to face life’s challenges together.

By Aeneas Williams.

The following article originally appeared in the Globe-Democrat on Tuesday, February 23, 2010. The Williams’ column, THE WINNING TEAM, is published biweekly in the online, St. Louis-based publication.

If you are going to be a winning team you must remember that teams get better when they work on their imperfections. That is what we call “practice.” Yes, Allen Iverson, we are talking about practice!

Even in marriage, each of us has areas where we need to grow. If we don’t help each other grow, we will allow each other to miss out on reaching our full potential. My wife and I encourage and challenge each other to improve in those areas that we are weak.

For example, early in my football career, I wasn’t sure I could be an All Pro Player. One year my team hired a new coach that had the reputation of challenging players to reach their potential by forcing them do things out of their comfort zones. I did not think I could do it, but it was my wife that began to ask me questions that made me realize that it was fear that I was dealing with. Through her words and the help of God, I took the challenge and from that year on I made eight Pro Bowl appearances.

I challenge my wife the same way. Remember, you are a team and that requires teammates to help each other grow up!

By Aeneas Williams.

The following article originally appeared in the Globe-Democrat on Tuesday, January 12, 2010. The Williams’ column, THE WINNING TEAM, is published biweekly in the online, St. Louis-based publication.

In order to have a successful marriage relationship or any successful partnership for that matter, there is one critical element that must be present. One word that most people know, but may not truly understand its importance, when it comes to relationships is trust.

Trust, is the foundation upon which the strength of all relationships are based. An acronym, I would like to use for the word trust is T (truth), R (relied), U (upon) S (stands), T (tall). Which simply means trust is built by truth. We must be honest and truthful in our relationship even in the small things.

Sometimes husbands and wives don’t tell each other the truth. For example, a wife cooks green peas for her husband and he doesn’t like it. Because he does not want to hurt her feelings, he doesn’t tell her, so she keeps cooking the peas! This will continue to frustrate him all because he didn’t tell her the truth. If he told her the truth in a loving way, by first sharing what he did like about the meal she probably would receive it and work on the peas.

The wife also, should share with her husband those things she doesn’t like, so he can make the adjustment. A couple, who chooses not to be truthful with one another, will build up a wall that could block communication and soon diminish intimacy, which is the key to a fulfilled marriage.

So practice being truthful with each other, this simple principle will do wonders for your relationship.

The following article originally appeared in the Globe-Democrat on Tuesday, January 12, 2010. The Williams’ column, THE WINNING TEAM, is published biweekly in the online, St. Louis-based publication.

When a man and woman get married a family is formed even before children come into the picture.

Couples must understand a solid marriage is the key to a stable family. Just as the foundation of a building is critical to the structure that rests upon it, so is the marriage relationship to the security of home life.

I really want to encourage couples to make sure they set aside time for each other, first, by setting a date once a week, and second, by spending time talking to each other in front of the children, and teach them not to interrupt. In doing this, the children will see that mom and dad love each other and that they are friends.

Studies have found that children who wet the bed, or have behavior issues may sense that mom and dad‘s relationship is unsettled, therefore through misbehavior they observe that the parents come together to solve the problem. Some children may come to the parents’ bed in the middle of the night, because they see mom and dad together at that time.

If our children see that we as a couple are happy and continuing to keep our relationship refreshed, they are going to gain a sense of security in that. So I encourage you and your spouse to make a commitment to work on building a strong foundation for your family, by focusing first on your relationship as husband and wife.

Remember, by dating and communicating in front of your children you are setting an example of a happy marriage and a happy family.

The following article originally appeared in the Globe-Democrat on Tuesday, January 12, 2010. The Williams’ column, THE WINNING TEAM, is published biweekly in the online, St. Louis-based publication.

Happy New Year!

My wife, Tracy and I have been married for 17 years and have been blessed with four beautiful children. We have chosen the title “The Winning Team” for this column because I believe a healthy marriage is truly a winning team. There is nothing that can’t be overcome together.

When I say “healthy,” that does not mean winning teams don’t face the same challenges losing teams do. As an NFL player for 14 years, I played on both and I can tell you it feels a lot better after a win. But the unique secret I found out while on both types of teams is that they both experienced similar challenges. It was “the perspective” that the winning teams choose to have in difficult times that helped us overcome and press on to victory. The perspective is that no matter how bad it looks, even if we are down three touchdowns, we knew we were going to win.

So it is with marriage.

If the two of you stay together with a vision that no matter how many fumbles and dropped catches may happen in your lives, you will choose the perspective that “we are in it to win it.” Unlike football, when the game clock runs out, the game is over. In marriage, as long as you have breath, you have an opportunity to turn any game around to win in your marriage and for your family.

Aeneas Williams played 14 years in the NFL as a cornerback and safety for the Arizona Cardinals and the St. Louis Rams. Pastor Aeneas and his wife, Tracy, founded Spirit of the Lord Family Church, currently located in Clayton, two years ago. The Williams’ have shared marital concepts and mentored couples since Aeneas was a football rookie. The couple resides in Creve Coeur with their four children.